Back in Black!

Wow! I cannot believe I have not written in a few years. The past three years in the classroom have been something like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Since I last posted, so much has changed, especially myself. I am starting year six of teaching. I simply cannot believe it has been that long! It feels like I just started yesterday. While teaching summer school this year, I had a very interesting experience (which I will detail in another posting). During a casual conversation with one of my teaching partners, she said I should blog it. It was at that moment when I remembered my long forgotten blog that I had hoped to use to chronicle my teaching experiences. So, here I am, back to the blog after a too-long hiatus.

I feel I need to briefly recap where I've been so I can begin to move forward. Here goes...

2004 - 2005: a first year like no other. It was my first year of teaching and I did nothing else. Every waking moment was devoted to learning how to perfect something that already came naturally. I was so blessed to have a patient mentor who lead me gently along, but allowed me to take the lead plenty. This first year was much like a dream. I could not believe how fortunate I was to have my dream job. I remember this year fondly and yet there are certainly things I wish I had done better.

2005 - 2006: year two. This year really flew by. I was sort of like the kid who learns a new skill and thinks he/she has it under control. Some days I really hit my stride, others I simply managed to stay afloat. My teaching partner has let me take on more responsibility and creative control. How lovely! Even lovelier is the fact that I'm starting to loosen up. My ideals are changing. My need for absolute control is changing, okay well not that much. My creative juices flow more easily and I'm feeling comfortable now. There is still so much work being a teacher. It still saddens me that I'm not the best yet and may never be. I'm simply the "ogre math teacher". I want to be inspiring not tolerated.

2006 - 2007: year three begins with a new teaching partner. If I've not stated before, our school is different. It's small and we teach in pods of 4 w/ two teachers who team-teach together in the same class. My new partner is very interesting. She is very young, just out of school, and a lot of fun. The kids love her. I'm officially the "old matron math teacher" (LOL). We are doing well together for the most part, considering how different we are and how different our philosophies are from each other. One of us had to teach the geometry class. Looking back, I now wish I had done this task. My partner took geometry and I stayed with Algebra. I think mostly because I was scared. I was afraid to try something new and mess up. I am pretty sure I'd have done a nice job.

2007 - 2008: year four and counting. Well, the honeymoon is over. My partner and I are definitely way too different. We do a pretty good job around the kids to present a united front. I can tell I'm viewed as the too-strict control freak. Oh well...my intentions are honorable. I'm still working on algebra and I'm also assisting with our electives program. This is actually my hardest year yet. I feel frazzled and it's showing. Patience is non-existent. I hate the way I feel daily. I just want to be a fun and popular teacher...just for once! I guess that will never happen.

2008 - 2009: year five! I've officially survived five years of teaching. Most new teachers leave within the first five years. Alas, I have a new teaching partner. My 2nd partner has left the teaching field (the first just transferred schools). I am both saddened and excited about a new partner. Partner three is a wonderful woman. She was a new science teacher last year and team-taught with our 8th grade science teacher. This year we are teaming as Math-Science instead of math-math like the past four years. I'm still doing algebra and my partner is science. Together, we kick butt! This is the year where I feel like I finally hit my stride. Not to mention that the other new math teacher to our school actually turned out to be a great mentor. I've learned so much from her. She truly knows how to develop curriculum and take students to a higher level of thinking. I am in awe of her mad skills and have been so blessed to learn from her. So, between my new partner (sci teacher) and our other new algebra teacher . This year was my hardest year ever. I will blog about it separately.

It's not what you know, it's what you show!

A very wise colleague of mine shared the above title line with me this past week. What a life saver! This is not only good advice for my students, but it's a good principal to follow in general (me included). I guess this phrase falls under "actions speak louder than words" and other such cliches that help us make it through life. The thing is, they really are true!

My motto in class this year has been "No Shortcuts", but I like the above tag line too. Integrity is everything. As a teacher I expect my students to perform and behave with the utmost integrity. Not that I already don't, but I myself should keep in line with that advice and most importantly model those valuable characteristics daily. It is difficult. It's often much easier to just lecture them instead of asking them "Here's the problem... (state the problem). Now, how do you plan to fix this?"

I have quickly come to the realization that while our students must do their best regarding academics, we as parents, teachers, and leaders of our community must teach them to make WISE LIFE CHOICES. I would love to have an elective class where I was able to do such a thing. 45 minutes of focused encouragement and life strategies. Wow - that would be empowering! Today's kids are more empowered than ever, just not in the right way. They are more often NOT empowered with the skills that will make them positive, productive members of society.

Life is not a dress rehearsal and we must live each day as it is... simply a fleeting moment. We should ask ourselves at the end of each day, "What could I have done differently today for someone else and lastly for myself?" I have only 3 months left with my students this year. What will I do differently over those 3 months that will leave a lasting and positive effect on their lives? At this very moment, I'm not sure, but I know that if is it to be... it is up to me.

I pray that my optimism doesn't fade this week.

Egg Shells

Is it the nature of the beast? Why does teaching feel like you are always walking around on egg shells. We must be considerate of students, parents, colleagues, and administrators. We do our best to encourage, mentor, and "lay it all out there" without putting our foot in our mouth. It's enough to make a person crazy! I have certainly learned (and I'm still learning) what to and not to say. That is an extremely difficult thing for someone who is open and wears their heart on their sleeve.

I often find myself wondering (or is it worrying?) -- did I say too much, too little or worse yet - the wrong thing?! Sometimes I wonder was I too harsh or too soft (I tend to lean the way of the former)? I always considered myself a fairly reasonable and diplomatic person with a little bit of sensitivity thrown in. Lately, I constantly ask myself if I'm being reasonable.

Kids have fragile hearts and minds, but at the same time can really turn the tables to try to get things to swing their way. Parents are either on your side or they are not. This I truly understand as I am a parent myself. All other people sometimes fall into the category of "not doing things against you but for themselves". I really do try not to take it all personally. As they say, "business is business" or in our case "education is education".

The thing is, I care so deeply for all my students, their success in my class, and their future. I know better than anyone what's coming around the bend and I pray they'll be ready. However, I need to remember that I'm not their parent - I'm their teacher. This is not easy for me. I'm such a "mom" and Lord knows, teenagers don't need another parent.

I think - and someone tell me if I'm wrong - the best policy is to always be honest and say as little as possible. I guess I should live and die by this policy! Will it ever be easy or become second nature? I sure hope so. It has to... I believe in my students and myself.

Am I doing all I can? How do you motivate a brick wall?

Let's see... I plan daily, grade daily, tutor twice weekly, keep an extensive classroom website, and rarely take lunch or restroom breaks. What do I see for all my efforts? Most of my students are doing well. Then there are those who SHOULD do well - but repeatedly fail.

Why is this? They are not idiots. They are capable of doing the work (and getting help if they need it). What makes an easy thing so difficult for some? Turning in "quality" work, ON TIME is my biggest pet peeve right now. How hard is it to get it in on time? My students rarely get an enormous amount of math problems to solve. They get a select few daily .. 20 minutes worth of true effort.

Sometimes I wonder if the fault lies with me. Then I look at the grades and see that most are doing well and have no trouble getting work in on time. So, I guess it's not 100% me. So, what's the answer. How do we, as teachers, motivate those students who are no more lively or care than a brick wall? I have certainly not found the answer. Perhaps it will come in time. Perhaps it will never come to me. I will never give up, but I sure do feel defeated some days. It scares me too. These are the people who will one day be "running our country". Will they get it together soon? Will some other teacher be able to light a fire under their feet? I hope that for some, I am that one teacher who inspires them. For others, I hope that I am able to plant a few seeds that other teachers can nurture and bloom.

Well, tomorrow is another day. I look forward to new opportunities and challenges and hope I have the strength and creativity to meet them both.

Teacher of the Year (TOY)

This week our campus held TOY nominations. We all submit our nominations and then we vote. Sometimes a run-off is needed. I always feel weird. How do you know who to nominate and for what reasons? Is it right to nominate yourself? Does it mean you're a crappy teacher if you don't even get nominated? Is it really a popularity contest or do people see you for the good you are trying to do.

I just wonder because I'm not sure how I feel about being or not being selected as a TOY. On one hand, it would feel great to think my colleagues felt I was worthy. On the other, would being awarded TOY really give me fulfillment as a teacher?

I must say we have some great teachers on our voting ballot this year. Only two from my grade level (not me of course). There are those who I think will always make the list.... We are a small school, so there are only so many of us. The good thing I suppose, is that we really do get to know each other, support each other, and constructively guide one another.

Ultimately, I am ok with not receiving TOY designation. I do hope however, that I make a positive impact on my students and that it shows to their parents and my colleagues. I guess I don't need an award to know I'm doing a super job.

Whatever happened to personal responsibility?

It wasn't until I turned 30, that I truly understood the meaning "personal responsiblity". Oh sure, I've always been considered "the responsible one", but when you only have yourself to worry about, you don't think too much of other peoples' responsiblity. What I am learning as a teacher (wife and mother), is that most young people have no idea what personal responsiblity means. There are some that are great -- you never have to tell them who, what, when, where, why or how. They are always two steps ahead. The rest expect you to hold their hand and be the one to follow through for them. Did I miss the boat? It there a law or some code written somewhere that states young people don't have to follow through and take responsibility for their actions, their learning, and their future? Maybe I'm just getting old. Perhaps I expect too much from middle school students. Perhaps some deep rooted regret plays out as some kind of "do as I ask, not as I did and messed up" psych problem of mine.

Is is unreasonable to expect students to turn in QUALITY work ON TIME? Is is unreasonable to expect them to ask questions when they are stumped (instead of putting it aside and giving up)? Is is unreasonable to expect them to actively participate in class and not goof off?

Yes and no. While it is not unreasonable for me to expect them to meet these high standards, I must remember they are ultimately just children. Children want to laugh and play. To dream, and be free from drudgery. They want to love and be loved. They simply want to live life as if there was no tomorrow to worry about. Their world revolves around happiness.

Perhaps I can tap into their need for laughing, playing, dreaming, happiness and love. Perhaps I can use what makes them so wonderful (and so frustrating at the same time) to help them become wonderful young adults. If I could only harness their liveliness, passions, and ways of thinking, I might be able to create a "cool" class they can't get enough of... perhaps one day.

Why do we become teachers?

I came across a photo of a young girl not too long ago. She looked to be about four to five years of age. This girl, with auburn hair in a ponytail, held a cute smile and a clipboard in hand. This girl was a smiling because at the age of four or five, she knew her destiny – to be a teacher. This girl was me.

Even at the young age of four, I wanted to become a teacher. I would play “teacher” for hours in my room with stuffed animals and dolls lined up in rows on the floor. These were my students, patiently waiting with baited breath for my next lesson. Some of my fondest memories are of the days I spent in school. To this day, I can still remember the name of my Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Stevens, and even what she looked like. Over the years, I still played “school” in the solitude of my room, never wanting my friends to know for fear of being laughed right out of town. There are several teachers that remain in my minds eye and in my heart the best teachers in the world. Mr. Karoly and Mrs. Parker are my two favorites. I would love to find them and treat them to lunch and share how much they impacted my life.

So, why do we become teachers? Is it for the low pay, unmotivated students, overbearing parents, legal and political battles? No, I would venture to say that some become teachers because they want to change the world. Others do so because it offers promise of job security. Some simply have a passion about something and they just want to share that knowledge with others. I became a teacher for all those reasons. I wanted a fairly stable job with consistent, dependable income (even though it could be higher), family-friendly hours, and the opportunity to share just a little of the wisdom I’ve learned over the years with my students. Curriculum would be the catalyst for sharing this wealth of knowledge. My fiery passion for knowledge would keep me motivated and if I was lucky, I just might make a small yet positive impact on those that would hopefully change the world.

What I did not expect to become part of my reasons for teacher, were smiling faces hiding fragile hearts. Sharp minds struggling to conform to socially accepted norms, while cultivating their own independence. Young teens, in their zeal to become adults overnight, are teaching me the joys of childhood again. In the eighteen months since I have become a classroom teacher, I have encountered and endured many smiles, tears, triumphs, struggles, and a daily reminder of why I did indeed choose to become a teacher. I will never be rich, famous, or change the world. I will however, be but a brief and hopefully bright moment in the lives of people I am counting on to become rich, famous, or more importantly... change the world.